Here’s another didactic little story There are these two guys sitting together in a bar in the remote Alaskan wilderness One of the guys is religious The other is an atheist And the two are arguing about the existence of God with that special intensity that comes after about the fourth beer And the atheist says Look, it’s not like I don’t have actual reasons for not believing in God It’s not like I haven’t ever experimented with the whole God and prayer thing Just last month I got caught away from the camp in that terrible blizzard And I was totally lost and I couldn’t see a thing And it was 50 below And so I tried it I fell to my knees in the snow and cried out ‘Oh, God, if there is a God’ ‘I’m lost in this blizzard, and I’m gonna die if you don’t help me’ And now, in the bar The religious guy looks at the atheist all puzzled ‘Well then you must believe now’ he says ‘After all’ ‘Here you are’ ‘Alive’
The atheist just rolls his eyes ‘No, man, all that was was a couple Eskimos happened to come wandering by and showed me the way back to camp.’
It’s easy to run this story through kind of a standard liberal arts analysis The exact same experience can mean two totally different things to two different people Given those people’s two different belief templates And two different ways of constructing meaning from experience [Chorus] Experience Meaning from experience Experience Meaning from experience Experience Experience Meaning from experience
Because we prize tolerance and diversity of belief Nowhere in our liberal arts analysis do we want to claim that one guy’s interpretation is true And the other guy’s is false or bad Which is fine Except we also never end up talking about just where these individual templates and beliefs come from Meaning, where they come from INSIDE the two guys As if a person’s most basic orientation toward the world And the meaning of his experience were somehow just hard-wired Like height or shoe-size Or automatically absorbed from the culture, like language As if how we construct meaning were not actually a matter of Personal Intentional Choice
Plus, there’s the whole matter of arrogance The nonreligious guy is so totally certain In his dismissal of the possibility that the passing Eskimos had anything to do with his prayer for help True There are plenty of religious people who seem arrogant and certain of their own interpretations, too They’re probably even more repulsive than atheists At least to most of us But religious dogmatists’ problem is exactly the same as the story’s unbeliever Blind certainty A close-mindedness that amounts to an imprisonment so total that the prisoner doesn’t even know he’s locked up
The point here Is that I think this is one part Of what Teaching me how to think Is really supposed to mean To be just a little less arrogant To have just a little Critical awareness about myself and my certainties Because a huge percentage Of stuff that I tend to be automatically certain of is, it turns out Totally wrong And deluded I have learned this the hard way As I predict you graduates will, too
Meaning from experience Meaning from experience
[Chorus] Experience Meaning from experience Experience Experience Meaning from experience [Faded] Meaning from experience Meaning from experience Experience Meaning from experience Experience Experience Meaning from experience
Greetings, thanks and congratulations To Kenyon’s graduating class of 2005
There are these two young fish swimming along And they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way Who nods at them and says “Morning, boys. How’s the water?” And the two young fish swim on for a bit And then eventually one of them looks over at the other and goes “What the hell is water?”
What the hell is water? What the hell is water?
This is a standard requirement of US commencement speeches The deployment of didactic little parable-ish stories The story thing turns out to be one of the better Less bullshitty conventions of the genre But if you’re worried that I plan to present myself here as the wise, older fish explaining what water is to you younger fish Please don’t be I am not the wise old fish The point of the fish story is merely that the most obvious, important realities are often the ones that Are hardest to see and talk about Stated as an English sentence, of course, this is just a banal platitude But the fact is that in the day to day trenches of adult existence Banal platitudes can have a life or death importance Or so I wish to suggest to you on this dry and lovely morning What the hell is water? What the hell is water? What the hell is water? What the hell is water? What the hell is water?
Of course the main requirement of speeches like this is that I’m supposed to talk about your liberal arts education’s meaning To try to explain why the degree you are about to receive has actual human value Instead of just a material payoff So let’s talk about the single most pervasive cliché in the commencement speech genre Which is that a liberal arts education is not so much about filling you up with knowledge as it is about, quote: “Teaching you how to think.” Think
If you’re like me as a student You’ve never liked hearing this And you tend to feel a bit insulted by the claim that you needed anybody To teach you how to think Since the fact that you even got admitted to a college this good seems like proof that you already know how to think Think (faded) Think (faded)
But I’m going to posit to you that the liberal arts cliché Turns out not to be insulting at all Because the really significant education in thinking that we’re supposed to get in a place like this Isn’t really about the capacity to think But rather about the choice of what to think about If your total freedom of choice regarding what to think about seems too obvious to waste time discussing I’d ask you to think about fish and water And to bracket for just a few minutes Your scepticism about the value of the totally obvious What the hell is water? What the hell is water? What the hell is water? What the hell is water? What the hell is water? What the hell is water? What the hell is water? What the hell is water? What the hell is water? What the hell is water? What the hell is water? What the hell is water? What the hell is water?
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