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Happiness Is A Side Effect Of Meaning | Proudly Made in the USA

Happiness is a Side Effect of Meaning | Proudly Made in the USA

Happiness is a Side Effect of Meaning | Proudly Made in the USA

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Lyrics

So anyhow
Wasn't getting crazy into drugs or anything like that
But I had one night where I ended up in a taxi cab
And a woman said something to me, kinda rejected me
In, like, a mean way
And I hadn't done anything wild I just expressed some interested
And she expressed interest and then I returned the expression and then she was mean to me
And she didn't reject me, rejection's fine, but she was mean to me, all a sudden
The taxi driver dropped her off, we were in a taxi
Next thing you know, I end up with the taxi driver
Four hours later me and him are doing cocaine together
And I'm driving the taxi
He's in the back, he's in the back with an escort
He bought me an escort I don’t want no escort, you know
Luigi, that was the guy's name
And we're in north Harlem and I'm driving a taxi and the meter is still running I'm still paying for that taxi

[Chorus]
I wasn't getting crazy
But I had one night
I had one night, I had one night
I wasn't getting crazy
But I had one night
I had one night, I had one night
My mother and I were just disconnected, man
You know, she gave us birthdays and she gave us holidays
But she had to work hard
And I think that she
You know, I don't know I don't know if she had the tools, really to make me feel love
(I don't know if she had the tools, really to make me feel love)
So anyhow, I got emancipated at 14 I ended up living with a family for the first time, I had my own room and I had peace I had some peace in my life
I mean just, like, moments where I just felt like I could relax a little bit
But this thing inside of me of not feeling okay was still very much there
You know, I developed issues with women where I had a really tough time relating to women and, and trusting women and feeling okay and being able to commit to relationships
And at some point

[Pre-Chorus]
You know, life went on things were going okay
But I started using cocaine
Using, using cocaine a little bit

And I liked cocaine because I would get it and do it by myself at home
At night (at night)
And it just made me feel good and I didn't have to be around other people
I don't know it just made me feel something
It made me feel something
And for so long inside of myself I'd had so many years, really of creating my own feelings on the outside of me but not really having them inside of me
You know, like I just didn't have feelings inside like, I just I
If I wanted to feel something I had to think it up and then act it out and display it as I'd seen it displayed in, like, television or movies or from others
But, the inside of me, there wasn't a lot going on
So high school went on
And God gave me some good gifts and I was a storyteller
You know, I was always concerned though, like
You know, I always needed to be around more people
Where everything was always starting to be
You know, we need to change this, we need to do that
I'd go to a party and then I have to go to another party, like
Where's the party?
Well, we're at the party

[Chorus]
Something never felt okay
Never felt okay
I just never felt okay
I always felt like I was trying to make things okay
I never felt okay
Never felt okay
I just never felt okay
I always felt like I was trying to make things okay
I had a younger sister who was very ill
She was born with a rare liver disease and she needed a liver trans-supplant upon her birth
And so when my mother did have free time a lotta time my sister got the affection
Because she was ill
And she got a lot more love and affection than my other brother and my other sister did
I felt like
Anyhow, I was, you know, growing up and one thing I really loved was summertime I, I would go to YMCA summer camp

[Chorus]
It was a group of kids in the summer that just wanted to have fun
Wanted to have fun, wanted to have fun
It was a group of kids in the summer that just wanted to have fun
Wanted to have fu-fun, summer camp
It was a group of kids in the summer that just wanted to have fun
Wanted to have fun
It was a group, group of ki –
It was a group of kids in the summer that just wanted to have fun
Wanted to have (fun!), summer camp
You know I would take the school bus sometimes to a different neighborhood and get dropped off and then walk
'Cause I didn't want people to see where I lived
I started riding my bike to school
I'd ride my bike maybe five miles to school
And I was in middle school
You know and that's fifth grade and maybe that's not wild but
At the time it didn't feel wild to me
You know it felt like This is what I need to do to feel -- okay
So, you know, my peers won't judge me or

[Chorus]
So, I just felt
You know I just felt less than
I didn't know anything about myself, how to feel good about myself
So, the only way I knew to feel good
Was if I could make you like me
I could make you like me
I needed you
To like me

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