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A Ride (ft. Theo Von)
And so that's kinda where I'm at, man
You know, my relationships have gotten better these days
I'm so close to my brother these days like, it's, uh
You know, it's wild
You know, and I've met like, couple of the greatest people I've ever met Like, through AA
You know, I've learnt unconditional love and things like that, not things that I'm able to practice yet but at least, for the first time in my life I'm aware of some of these things
And more will be revealed, man, that's what they say in that program more will be revealed
You know, and you can develop a relationship with a higher power or you can do what you want
They got coffee, they got shitty cookies
It's a fucking trap house but where people get together to share good time, real time
You know, I'm so excited, man
I get to go home I got five nieces and nephews today that love me
You know and even if they don't I get to watch, like, my siblings be parents, you know I get to watch my siblings love their children
In a way that we never got to experience and I'm awake for that
And, uh
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You know, my relationships have gotten better these days
I'm so close to my brother these days like, it's, uh
You know, it's wild
You know, and I've met like, couple of the greatest people I've ever met Like, through AA
You know, I've learnt unconditional love and things like that, not things that I'm able to practice yet but at least, for the first time in my life I'm aware of some of these things
And more will be revealed, man, that's what they say in that program more will be revealed
You know, and you can develop a relationship with a higher power or you can do what you want
They got coffee, they got shitty cookies
It's a fucking trap house but where people get together to share good time, real time
You know, I'm so excited, man
I get to go home I got five nieces and nephews today that love me
You know and even if they don't I get to watch, like, my siblings be parents, you know I get to watch my siblings love their children
In a way that we never got to experience and I'm awake for that
And, uh
True Story (ft. Theo Von)
And, man, it has been a journey
The drugs and alcohol have been whatever
Uh, I don't know if I'll always be sober I have no idea
But the thing that keeps me involved is
I get to learn so much about myself about loving others about acceptance
It's introduced me to other issues that I have that
You know, maybe drugs and alcohol aren't even my issue
It's just introduced me into a world of, like, introspection
Like, for the first time, I can take a look at myself and I still Look, I got a ton of faults, I'm not
But I know that if I stay, like, on this path that things can get better I believe that 'cause there's proof for me
You know, my career has gotten better
You know, I've met people that have loved me
You know, I've been in and out or a relationship with somebody that loved me
For one of the first times in my life that I really felt that
Not that other people hadn't loved me in the past but this was the first time I could feel it
You know, and it's just because something had changed Inside of me, you know, where I didn't need to just have all the walls up or whatever to survive anymore, like
You know, I think my higher power wants to tell me, “Look, man, you're gonna be okay, you know, you can take a break”
You know
Anyway, you know, I don't know if I'll always be
A part of this program or not
But, you know
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The drugs and alcohol have been whatever
Uh, I don't know if I'll always be sober I have no idea
But the thing that keeps me involved is
I get to learn so much about myself about loving others about acceptance
It's introduced me to other issues that I have that
You know, maybe drugs and alcohol aren't even my issue
It's just introduced me into a world of, like, introspection
Like, for the first time, I can take a look at myself and I still Look, I got a ton of faults, I'm not
But I know that if I stay, like, on this path that things can get better I believe that 'cause there's proof for me
You know, my career has gotten better
You know, I've met people that have loved me
You know, I've been in and out or a relationship with somebody that loved me
For one of the first times in my life that I really felt that
Not that other people hadn't loved me in the past but this was the first time I could feel it
You know, and it's just because something had changed Inside of me, you know, where I didn't need to just have all the walls up or whatever to survive anymore, like
You know, I think my higher power wants to tell me, “Look, man, you're gonna be okay, you know, you can take a break”
You know
Anyway, you know, I don't know if I'll always be
A part of this program or not
But, you know
I Don't Feel As Alone (ft. Theo Von)
This is the story that I tell
(This is the story that I tell)
This is the story that I tell
(This is the story that I tell)
And look, I wasn't a coke head, I have friends that are coke heads
I mean, my coke use was probably, it was over a couple years, maybe once every few months
Maybe three times a year, four times a year
But then there was a point over about three weeks or maybe six weeks, I don't know
Where it had escalated and it was just kind of like once a week
And then it was like two, three times a week, you know?
I mean I'm pissed, sometimes I'm like, fuck, I wish I never even got to smoke crack
You know, I don't want to be a crack head but fuck
You know, I'll take a hit or two, just to see, you know, what everybody's talking about
Down at the bus
Down at the Greyhound, you know?
But since then, you know, in this program I've learned like
[Chorus]
I don't feel alone as I used to
And I'm learning to have different feelings about myself
Different ways of thinking about myself
I don't feel as alone as I used to
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(This is the story that I tell)
This is the story that I tell
(This is the story that I tell)
And look, I wasn't a coke head, I have friends that are coke heads
I mean, my coke use was probably, it was over a couple years, maybe once every few months
Maybe three times a year, four times a year
But then there was a point over about three weeks or maybe six weeks, I don't know
Where it had escalated and it was just kind of like once a week
And then it was like two, three times a week, you know?
I mean I'm pissed, sometimes I'm like, fuck, I wish I never even got to smoke crack
You know, I don't want to be a crack head but fuck
You know, I'll take a hit or two, just to see, you know, what everybody's talking about
Down at the bus
Down at the Greyhound, you know?
But since then, you know, in this program I've learned like
[Chorus]
I don't feel alone as I used to
And I'm learning to have different feelings about myself
Different ways of thinking about myself
I don't feel as alone as I used to
I Never Loved Myself Because (ft. Theo Von)
You know, you'd have a dude come in, and, like
He'd lost his family, or he, you know, he'd, he'd lost his kids and been taken away by the courts, and he's drinking or a woman who addicted to heroin, and she's
And finally, they're getting their lives back together and you just
You know, they say, like, listen for the similarities not the differences
In my life sometimes I'd always wanted to listen for differences because
Differences gave me an ability to separate me from other people
And if I'm just me by myself then I know that I'm, I'm okay
Because it's the only thing I've ever known
The only way I've ever been okay
Really is by being by myself
I don't know an okay where I'm attached to others
You know, where I trust others at, like, a, a place deeper than my own feelings, a place that I don't really know
But, for the first time, in these rooms I could do it
You know, for the first time, in these rooms like, I started, like
Man, I had love for people I did not even know
And then in moments and still this stuff kinda comes slow but I started to have love for myself, you know
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He'd lost his family, or he, you know, he'd, he'd lost his kids and been taken away by the courts, and he's drinking or a woman who addicted to heroin, and she's
And finally, they're getting their lives back together and you just
You know, they say, like, listen for the similarities not the differences
In my life sometimes I'd always wanted to listen for differences because
Differences gave me an ability to separate me from other people
And if I'm just me by myself then I know that I'm, I'm okay
Because it's the only thing I've ever known
The only way I've ever been okay
Really is by being by myself
I don't know an okay where I'm attached to others
You know, where I trust others at, like, a, a place deeper than my own feelings, a place that I don't really know
But, for the first time, in these rooms I could do it
You know, for the first time, in these rooms like, I started, like
Man, I had love for people I did not even know
And then in moments and still this stuff kinda comes slow but I started to have love for myself, you know
I Love Your Story (ft. Theo Von)
Uh, the next day I was back in Los Angeles I was telling that same story to someone
And they said, “Hey, man, I go to these meetings”
And so then I went to, uh, some AA meetings and for the first time in my life
I sat down a listened to people tell stories which were my favorite thing to hear my whole life
I'd been loving stories, man
I love your story
You know, whatever your story is, I love it, man
Because all my life when I was young I just wanted to have a different story
I wanted a different story
[Chorus]
I love your story
You know, whatever your story is, I love it, man
Because all my life I just wanted a different story
I wanted a different story
I love your story
You know, whatever your story is, I love it, man
Because all my life I just wanted a different story
I wanted a different story
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And they said, “Hey, man, I go to these meetings”
And so then I went to, uh, some AA meetings and for the first time in my life
I sat down a listened to people tell stories which were my favorite thing to hear my whole life
I'd been loving stories, man
I love your story
You know, whatever your story is, I love it, man
Because all my life when I was young I just wanted to have a different story
I wanted a different story
[Chorus]
I love your story
You know, whatever your story is, I love it, man
Because all my life I just wanted a different story
I wanted a different story
I love your story
You know, whatever your story is, I love it, man
Because all my life I just wanted a different story
I wanted a different story
One Night (ft. Theo Von)
So anyhow
Wasn't getting crazy into drugs or anything like that
But I had one night where I ended up in a taxi cab
And a woman said something to me, kinda rejected me
In, like, a mean way
And I hadn't done anything wild I just expressed some interested
And she expressed interest and then I returned the expression and then she was mean to me
And she didn't reject me, rejection's fine, but she was mean to me, all a sudden
The taxi driver dropped her off, we were in a taxi
Next thing you know, I end up with the taxi driver
Four hours later me and him are doing cocaine together
And I'm driving the taxi
He's in the back, he's in the back with an escort
He bought me an escort I don’t want no escort, you know
Luigi, that was the guy's name
And we're in north Harlem and I'm driving a taxi and the meter is still running I'm still paying for that taxi
[Chorus]
I wasn't getting crazy
But I had one night
I had one night, I had one night
I wasn't getting crazy
But I had one night
I had one night, I had one night
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Wasn't getting crazy into drugs or anything like that
But I had one night where I ended up in a taxi cab
And a woman said something to me, kinda rejected me
In, like, a mean way
And I hadn't done anything wild I just expressed some interested
And she expressed interest and then I returned the expression and then she was mean to me
And she didn't reject me, rejection's fine, but she was mean to me, all a sudden
The taxi driver dropped her off, we were in a taxi
Next thing you know, I end up with the taxi driver
Four hours later me and him are doing cocaine together
And I'm driving the taxi
He's in the back, he's in the back with an escort
He bought me an escort I don’t want no escort, you know
Luigi, that was the guy's name
And we're in north Harlem and I'm driving a taxi and the meter is still running I'm still paying for that taxi
[Chorus]
I wasn't getting crazy
But I had one night
I had one night, I had one night
I wasn't getting crazy
But I had one night
I had one night, I had one night
Using Cocaine (ft. Theo Von
My mother and I were just disconnected, man
You know, she gave us birthdays and she gave us holidays
But she had to work hard
And I think that she
You know, I don't know I don't know if she had the tools, really to make me feel loved
(I don't know if she had the tools, really to make me feel loved)
So anyhow, I got emancipated at 14 I ended up living with a family for the first time, I had my own room and I had peace I had some peace in my life
I mean just, like, moments where I just felt like I could relax a little bit
But this thing inside of me of not feeling okay was still very much there
You know, I developed issues with women where I had a really tough time relating to women and, and trusting women and feeling okay and being able to commit to relationships
And at some point
[Pre-Chorus]
You know, life went on things were going okay
But I started using cocaine
Using, using cocaine a little bit
And I liked cocaine because I would get it and do it by myself at home
At night (at night)
And it just made me feel good and I didn't have to be around other people
I don't know it just made me feel something
It made me feel something
And for so long inside of myself I'd had so many years, really of creating my own feelings on the outside of me but not really having them inside of me
You know, like I just didn't have feelings inside like, I just I
If I wanted to feel something I had to think it up and then act it out and display it as I'd seen it displayed in, like, television or movies or from others
But, the inside of me, there wasn't a lot going on
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You know, she gave us birthdays and she gave us holidays
But she had to work hard
And I think that she
You know, I don't know I don't know if she had the tools, really to make me feel loved
(I don't know if she had the tools, really to make me feel loved)
So anyhow, I got emancipated at 14 I ended up living with a family for the first time, I had my own room and I had peace I had some peace in my life
I mean just, like, moments where I just felt like I could relax a little bit
But this thing inside of me of not feeling okay was still very much there
You know, I developed issues with women where I had a really tough time relating to women and, and trusting women and feeling okay and being able to commit to relationships
And at some point
[Pre-Chorus]
You know, life went on things were going okay
But I started using cocaine
Using, using cocaine a little bit
And I liked cocaine because I would get it and do it by myself at home
At night (at night)
And it just made me feel good and I didn't have to be around other people
I don't know it just made me feel something
It made me feel something
And for so long inside of myself I'd had so many years, really of creating my own feelings on the outside of me but not really having them inside of me
You know, like I just didn't have feelings inside like, I just I
If I wanted to feel something I had to think it up and then act it out and display it as I'd seen it displayed in, like, television or movies or from others
But, the inside of me, there wasn't a lot going on
Never Felt OK (ft. Theo Von)
So high school went on
And God gave me some good gifts and I was a storyteller
You know, I was always concerned though, like
You know, I always needed to be around more people
Where everything was always starting to be
You know, we need to change this, we need to do that
I'd go to a party and then I have to go to another party, like
Where's the party?
Well, we're at the party
[Chorus]
Something never felt okay
Never felt okay
I just never felt okay
I always felt like I was trying to make things okay
I never felt okay
Never felt okay
I just never felt okay
I always felt like I was trying to make things okay
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And God gave me some good gifts and I was a storyteller
You know, I was always concerned though, like
You know, I always needed to be around more people
Where everything was always starting to be
You know, we need to change this, we need to do that
I'd go to a party and then I have to go to another party, like
Where's the party?
Well, we're at the party
[Chorus]
Something never felt okay
Never felt okay
I just never felt okay
I always felt like I was trying to make things okay
I never felt okay
Never felt okay
I just never felt okay
I always felt like I was trying to make things okay